That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So vagazzling was a success
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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