I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
