what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
