If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.