I'm going to jail i love you
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
