i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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