He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
