i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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