don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
