She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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