It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
