we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
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when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
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no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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