i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
