Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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