Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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