a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
