I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
