The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.