no, he came in my armpit
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.