i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.