jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
