I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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