either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
