I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
