Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
