I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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