Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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