It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
