so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
