we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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