so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
