I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
