So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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