its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
