If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
