she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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