dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
