I saw his package. It spoke to me.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
