I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
last night I used snow as a chaser
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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