Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
