i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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