Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
