Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
