You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
