i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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