no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
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I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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