We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
