WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
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