Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the condom got lost in my hair
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
