The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
