Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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