If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
