Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
