If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
