And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
