Kiss
Puke
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize