I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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