He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
