my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
