What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
