i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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